That photograph was taken by my youngest daughter, she delights in some the same things I delight in, like sunsets, dogs, the sky, clouds, trees, birds, the mountains; things that are not man made, things that only can be created by the God we believe in; I love her, I love both my daughters the same. When I think about her, I often think about how God thinks about me, when I think about how God loves me, I think about how I love my daughters; but God's love could never be compared to my love, ever; mine looks like a filthy rag next to His.
Last Sunday she told me she had been experiencing pain in her lower abdomen for about three days, and she told me she had made an appointment to see her doctor this last Thursday; so I hugged her and prayed for her; we both prayed holding each other. Wednesday morning she left for work, and she got back about an hour later, and with teary eyes asked me to take her to the emergency room, so we prayed again.
You know how the ER is usually like, there is seldom any place to park anywhere close, there are long lines of people waiting to be seen, kids crying in pain, people speaking in all kinds of languages except English, signs written in languages I cannot even pronounce, it makes you wonder if the noodle-like symbol at the beginning of the hieroglyphs is an actual letter; then we have the moody clerks that barely speak the tongue of the land, and then we have the smell, the human smell of emergencies mixed with alcohol and Lysol and cheap perfume, and used diapers, and empty tortilla chip bags on top of the overflowing garbage cans, etc, etc. You know what I mean, it can be very irritating and stressful; no one goes to the ER just to pass the time or to try to feel accepted or to make friends, in fact, no one really wants to be there to begin with; but there we were.
To my surprise, I found a parking space almost in front of the main entrance; when we walked inside, there was only a woman in front of us, and after that I just kept being surprised by the grace of God, about an hour later we ended up in the waiting room, redundantly waiting for someone to come and take my daughter to have an ultra-sound test and see what was going on inside of her belly; she was in pain but it was bearable at that point so we didn't think much was wrong. When the nurse showed up with a wheel chair to take her, she told me it was fine for me to wait outside, so I left to get my grand kids from school, we were confident there was not much going on.
Same thing happened at the school, I found a parking spot right away, are you kidding me? This never happens, and the kids were already outside waiting for me, which never happens either; then I got in the on-ramp to the 125, and I got a green light as soon as we got there, in fact I got all green lights wherever there are lights....... I spiritualize everything..... Hey guys, Sofi is in the hospital and we have to pray for her, so after all their questions were answered, my grand daughter says, 'so when are we going to pray?' Right now (we are still in the freeway, which is wide open and flowing), I said, you start Travis, so he closes his eyes and starts praying for his aunt, then Jaz prays, then I pray, in Jesus name, amen.
That was amazing, I love the simplicity of children's prayers, their pure faith, their singleness of mind and confidence, their sincere words, they don't care about impressing anyone who hears them, their assurance that this Jesus, this amazing God-man, listens to them; they have no inhibitions at all, they prayed as if they were talking to their Father, they trust He will answer, they know He listens, they know He is God the Almighty, and they have no fear.
My daughter texts me saying the ultrasound test was done and she had a cyst, or a tumor, or a mass, (to me they are all the same thing), the size of a tennis ball in one of her ovaries, and she was waiting for the doctor to talk to her, so I went home thinking "I'm not taking these kids to the ER, they will be jumping off the walls", which is true, their mom was getting off at 5:00 and she would pick them up at 5:30, so we had another hour and a half to go, and I wouldn't be able to see her anyway.
10 minutes later, I get a text saying she has to have surgery right away, she is scared, the doctor said he is going to have to remove her ovary but he will try to save the tube, she is in room 225, so I text back, "God is in control of all things, just pray and trust Him, is there a bible there? Read Psalm 23, and 40, and 103". The Gideons leave them everywhere right? I should be there with her, what am I doing home? "No, but I have one in my phone".... "They're here, I'm going into surgery right now, I'm scared".... "Don't be, they will put you to sleep and you will not feel anything, you will see my face when you wake up, I'll be there soon, I love you" "I love you too".
In a matter of minutes my tiny puny world has been turned upside down and there is nothing I can do to change it, in the blinking of an eye I have become a spectator sitting on the bleachers, nothing is within my reach, there is absolutely nothing I can do to make any difference in anything that is happening; all I could do has been done and now I'm hiding from the kids in the bathroom crying to God for His mercy, tears running down my face.
When I finally get to the hospital I go to the elevators to go to room 225, and I see this from Isaiah 40, I couldn't believe my eyes, so I took a picture with my phone
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"O God raise me up" it says at the bottom, I need more than an elevator lift, I need God to raise me up from the land of the weary, from the valley of worry, the valley of the shadow of death; to raise me up where those eagles soar, above the storm.
But she is still in surgery, wow, it's taking more than I thought it would take, and I start to get anxious, they take me to the operating room's waiting room, there is no one there, and guess what, there are two bibles on a table with a flower vase, I knew there were bibles somewhere, but I don't touch them because I have one in my phone too. About half an hour later my oldest daughter gets there, and then there is a nurse looking for me, "your daughter is asking for you, come I'll take you in". It is freaking cold in there, she sees me and starts sobbing and I hold back the tears.
This is not a big deal right? Thousands of women go through the same thing all the time, why is this such a big deal to me? Because this woman is my daughter, that is why. No one can understand the love of a father for his daughters, unless you are a father to yours. Her hands are cold, she is in pain, she is confused, she is hurting, and I am also cold, confused and hurting. But God is still very good, everything went well, there were no complications, no weird things happening, no strange bleeding, I'm praising God for hydromorphone, and for doctors, and for hospitals.
They wouldn't let me spend the night there so I came back early in the morning, I couldn't sleep so I prayed almost all night, I revisited her whole life in my mind; she was born in that very same hospital in which she was now, 26 years ago I was in total darkness but extremely happy for her arrival; now it was as if she had been given to me again but we are now walking in the light, I can see how good God is to all of us. As I walked in the hallway I see a brother that used to go to the same church as I did, he works fixing and painting the walls in hospitals, so we greet each other and I tell him what is going on, and so he prays for my child; after I get to the room, the chaplain came over to her room to put oil on her head and pray for her, really?
The Lord has people every where, it reminded me of Paul when God tells him to not be afraid to preach because He has many people in this city, remember that? It's somewhere in Acts. Then the next morning, I see the same brother fixing a wall just outside my daughter's room. It was as if God was telling me the same thing, do not be afraid for I have many in this hospital praying for her; I felt encouraged, and very grateful.
I can usually see the hand of God in every single event, and in this it was very clear to me; some people spiritualize everything, like me, and some just see life is not fair and complain even for the most menial details of their existence; I confess, I grumble sometimes, I complain of the pain, the discomfort, this fallen world and so forth, and I repent every time, but this time I did not complain at all, nor did I hear my daughter complain except for the pain, which I understand; but how could I complain?
Since last Friday when she was released to go home, I have been playing the nurse, the cook and the homemaker all at the same time, and it is easy in comparison to what some people are going through; being in the hospital for those three days and seeing how messed up some people are made me value what I have in my children and my friends; the lady that was in the same room as my daughter was completely alone, no one came to visit her, at one point as I was talking to her I had to call the nurse because she was bleeding and she didn't even know it, it was very sad, it broke my heart; when her son came on Friday to get her out, he sat there playing with his phone; it made me angry. This is the world we live in.
So I have my daughter with me, at home, for the next two weeks, and I wonder at God's awesomeness; I am so blessed to be able to serve her, and take care of her, I am blessed and grateful that God has kept me alive to be there for her when she needs me; I am grateful for all the people who prayed for her, my mom, my brothers, my daughter, my grand kids, my friends, the brother in the hallway, the chaplain; God is exceedingly good to me, to us, and I have nothing to complain about.
Please pray for me and for her, pray that God will be glorified in her life, in all of our lives; Heb 4:14-16 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. (15) For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted (or tried) as we are, yet without sin. (16) Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
And have a nice day.
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