Precious in His eyes...

The last 3 weeks have been one of the saddest times of my life, such a depressing time to go through.
My best friend's father in law was terribly sick, and this morning the Lord took him home.  This post should end right there at the last period but I have to keep on writing; not because I want to be morbid, nor because I'm sad, but because this is a record of an event in my life that has really affected the way I perceive everything, from life in general, to God, and specifically the way I perceive God's love for His children.

Sometimes God allows things to happen that just do not make any sense to me; I had been struggling with this issue for the last several days, but last night all my struggles ceased to exist.  God spoke to me very clearly, and what He said filled me with awe and wonder.

As I continued to ask 'why' God does the things He does, the way He does them, all I heard was "I am King, I rule over all things and nothing escapes my attention; no sparrow falls to the ground, no grain of sand on the beaches moves, not a single particle of dust floats in the air, no problem or difficulty you face takes place without Me knowing and causing it to happen; and I do all things they way I do them for the glory of My name, and they all happen in perfect timing, every single event has a purpose in my plans, even the death of my children".  Immediately after, the words of Paul ran through my brain: "But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?”

This life is full of mysteries, incomprehensible mysteries that cause me to stop thinking, and cause me to worship. I am completely powerless to change anything, so I just shut up.

Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 am, which is not normal, and the first thought in my brain was 'pray for Will'; yeah, his name was Wilson but everybody called him Will; so I prayed for him again, I have been praying for him night and day; and the thought just came back again and again; then I had this really deep desire of going to see him and read the scriptures to him; my problem was that I had his laptop and I had been working on it to make it run for the past 4 or 5 days, so I just kept on doing it since I couldn't step away from it; then I had a lump on my right knee the size of a golf ball, so I thought 'I guess I'm not going' since I have to ride the motorcycle and I couldn't do it with my knee being all swollen.

The sun came up and went down really fast yesterday, time just seemed to disappear before my eyes; then I get a call from my best friend and he says "I'm thinking I'm going to go get you and bring you to see Will, I'll pick you up in about an hour"; I was shocked.  Really, just like that Lord?  My friend didn't know what I was thinking, we had not talked at all during the day, he just thought it would be a good idea to bring me over to see Will.  That is how God works in my life, He gives me godly desires and then He makes them happen; of course even some of my brothers would think it was just a coincidence, I guess their God is just too small.

We arrived at the place where he was, a very nice house in La Mesa; it was comforting to see that he was in good hands, with people who actually cared; I would have wanted the same for my own father; the nurse, a woman named Ann, made sure we felt comfortable, but I had to step outside while she worked on him to help him breathe better.  I was struggling, flashbacks of my dad just came flooding into my brain; I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes; I walked over to the kitchen and Eutychus offered me the last cup of coffee; thanks bro, let's go outside and smoke.  Time seemed suspended, frozen, just like the wind in the backyard.  I could see that this moment had been pre-arranged, it was clearly a divine appointment.

My brother and I talked about Will, there were things about a hospice that I never understood before, and I had questions I had never asked before; is he suffering?  Is he in pain?  Is he starving?  Is this the right thing to do?  Is the morphine helping? What can I do? How can I help?  How can I touch him and tell him that God loves him, that I love him too? My brother assured me, he is not in pain, he is not suffering, he is not starving; and yes he can still hear you; that's what Ann said, the sense of hearing is there until the last moment.  Leaving this world, and this body, is a terrifying thing for me; I was wondering if Will was experiencing fear, and that thought almost broke me, it scared me to think that he would be scared.  Pretty much I thought the same thoughts about my father, I wanted to comfort him, just like Paul talks about, with the same comfort we have been comforted with, with the grace of God.

I got to go in there and read the scriptures to him, I thought; so we went back in and I sat down on a chair in front of the head of the bed, I opened the bible on my phone, grabbed his hand, and I started talking to him, hey Will it's Alex, I'm here with Terry and I'm going to pray for you and read you the word of God, I prayed for him, for all of us, I read Psalm 91 and I could barely get through the whole thing, I broke down, I was sobbing hard, exactly the same way as when I lost my father,

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”........


For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.....


Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”



Then I read Psalm 23, then Ephesians 1:3-14; these are the words of God Almighty, His promises are true for you Will, for us; though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, fear no evil for He is with you; He has you in His hands, He will never let you go and you will abide in the house of the Lord forever; I told him I knew he had faith in Jesus, that I knew he believed that He died for him and for me and was raised to justify us; he coughed and I took that as a sign that he heard every word I said; God assured me he believed the gospel, God assured me he is saved, forever.

Then my brother read Psalm 103, and told Will how grateful he was to have had him in his life, he told him God predestined him to marry Will's daughter.  I'm not going to repeat what my brother said without his consent, but he prayed for a long time; at this point I couldn't stop crying; it was all so sad, even as I'm writing this I'm weeping; but yesterday God reminded me of Psalm 116:15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. I mentioned that to my brother when we were outside in the backyard, and he said "it is amazing that God yearns to be with His children"; yes indeed, it is amazing.  This life is an amazing gift.

This morning I woke up in peace, I had a very strange sense of relief, and I thanked God for allowing me to be there last night; then my brother called to give me the sad news. I loved Will and I will surely miss him.  He was a good man, he was funny and he made me laugh every time I talked with him, I remember his smile and the warmth of his eyes, he was a gentle man; there was no guile in him.  Will loved his wife Dottie, and he loved his children and grand children, and I know he even loved me.

So I write all this to honor Will and to celebrate his life and the gift of his presence in the lives of my best friends; I write to thank God for Will and for saving him, I write to let the record show that God is faithful to His promises:  “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:31.

I hope you are blessed to know that.

http://makariotes.blogspot.com