Warning: This blog post is too long, I talk too much when I write, and I can't help it, but you have some choices to make; be patient, get a cup of coffee and read it when you have the time, or you can complain that my blog is too long and just delete it; just don't be double minded and say I didn't warn you; there, you have been warned.
Have you ever heard statements like these?:
"The bible is just a book that was written by men with the purpose of stealing your money; it's a bunch of dogmas that are used to control people, religion is the opium of the masses".
"There are many roads that lead to God, all religions are like spokes on a wheel that lead to the center hub, which is God, it really doesn't matter which spoke you are on, you will eventually get there".
"God is everywhere, He is inside of you, and you have the power to arrange your circumstances; it is all a matter of knowing how to use the laws of the universe;people have been using them for thousands of years, since even before the Greeks, Hermes Trismegisto is just one example of such people, as well as Socrates".
"People are infinite, they have always existed in the mind of God; we are all subject to a chain of constant reincarnations, until eventually we reach the state of nirvana, that is when we are free from reincarnating and have succeeded in the progress of the soul and become one with the Universe, which is God".
"Everything we see is an illusion since all things are in a constant state of vibratory existence, the higher the frequency of vibration, the higher the state of the person or thing, rocks have a very low vibrational frequency, that is why they are so dense and heavy; therefore your thoughts are also vibrational entities that eventually come into reality; you just have to know how to elevate the frequency of your thinking".
"Sin is really an illusion, all you have to do is to align yourself with the eternal purpose of the ethereal substance that permeates all things, everything is in a constant flux of being; the bible even says that as a man thinks so is he".
"Jesus was an ascended avatar, a teacher just like Buddha and all those guys; he came to show people the truth about the universe and how it works, he knew how to manipulate the laws of the universe, that is the reason he could walk on water and do all those things he did; he even said it, the truth shall set you free".
"You have to do more good things than bad things to compensate for the bad ones; it's what they call karma; whatever you do comes back to you; and God always looks at how many good things you have done, and if they are more than the bad things, then He will be happy with you and let you into heaven".
"There is no life after death, we are just the pinnacle of the evolutionary process, we are the product of purely physical processes; once we die, we cease to exist, there is nothing after this life; hell is a lie of the religious organizations to keep people from going wild and doing the things that are fun, like having sex and getting loaded with drugs and alcohol".
End of statements "like these".
I have heard statements like those above, in fact I actually said some of those things since I believed them in my distant past. Did I ever tell you that I was a vegetarian for about three or four years? I was a health freak, I didn't eat meat of any kind, except fish, and fish is not meat, right? I was heavily into Metaphysics and Eastern religions and beliefs; I did meditation, I sat on the floor, with my legs and arms crossed, and did the huuuuummmm thing; I hugged trees too; mainly when I was high on Peyote, it felt good.
Yeah I did all things natural, smoked herb, ate mushrooms and peyote; meditated, didn't drink alcohol or beer; I think I was actually pretty healthy. I ran 3 miles per day to a friend's house, lifted weights for about an hour and ran back home another 3 miles; and I was high all the time; it is true, I'm not lying to you. I also believed in Hermes Trismegisto, and Sai Baba; at one point I was even into Transactional Analysis, you know, the "I'm ok, you're ok" thing; I was what some people call "a seeker"; but I had no idea what I was seeking, except to fill the huge hole in my heart. But it was all a lie.
It is the old lie of "you shall be like God"; and "everything is relative", and "if it feels good, it must be good"; and a ton of other examples, but they all come from the same place: the father of lies, the prince of the power of the air, as Paul calls him.
Then, one day, at the precise moment, and the right place; my "seeking" ended. It ended not by my will, nor my desire, God had planned it like that; He had ordained October 13 1989, 3:12 P.M. as the right time to open the eyes of this blind man.
The night before, October the 12th, I had been locked up in my office with a bottle of Chivas Regal and an ounce of cocaine; my ex wife had just told me a few days before that she was leaving me and she was taking the kids with her if I didn't stop drinking; my world started falling apart when I heard those words; I was caught in a snare, the snare of the fowler as the bible calls it; and I couldn't see a way out of it, everything was darkness in me.
It was 3 o'clock in the morning and I had shut the lights off, I was paranoid; I had lit up a candle and was sitting on a couch I had in the office; my P226 Sig Sauer in 9mm was sitting on top of the glass coffee table; I carried that gun everywhere I went. I reached for it and grabbed it, racked the slide and put a hollow point cartridge in the chamber, the hammer was pulled back; I put my index finger on the trigger and pointed it at my eyes; I could see the bullet through the barrel, just sitting there waiting for me to pull the trigger and end the nightmare.
Then I thought about reincarnation, it sounds stupid I know, but that is what came through my mind at that moment; and I thought "if I kill myself, I will end up coming back and re-live this life again, until I get it right; that is awful; I don't want to re-live my life like this"; and then I uncocked the pistol and put it on the table again.
A second later my pager started beeping; you remember those pagers? They were these little black boxes with a tiny screen on top, if someone wanted to get a hold of you they would call your pager number and then you would input the call back number, and then you would wait for the call back; the pager showed my home phone number, it was my ex wife; if you google "pager" you will see an image of a woman frantically punching numbers on a phone dial pad.
I called and told her I was all messed up, she volunteered to come and get me, or call a cab for me since the kids were asleep, but I refused the offer; I took the last shot of Chivas, locked the office, put my helmet and my gloves on and rode home on my 600cc Suzuki Katana. That night was a remembrance event. The lie had actually prevented me from committing suicide.
Next morning, I woke up with a head ache; it was 11;30 already, I felt like crap; but I didn't drink; I was suffering heavily; my mind would not stop racing; I knew there was a God, I always knew that; I grew up in the Catholic faith, I met Jesus in the gospel of John when I was six or seven; but that morning I had no faith at all; every time I thought about dying, I remembered my daughters; my babies; what would they do without a father? Who would provide for them? Who would comfort them after waking up in the middle of the night because they had a bad dream? They would end up with an idiot for a step father; the thoughts were unbearable, so I went to my office.
Suddenly my phone rang, it was my secretary, "Gino Fuentes, from Horizon North Park is on the line"; ok, put him through. "Hey Alex, this is Gino, remember me?" Yeah, I do, how is it going? (I had met him at Horizon during one of those times I was trying to get my ex off my back regarding going to church, a nice guy who used to be a heroin addict and had been rescued by Jesus) "Very good, I thought I'd give you a call to see how you're doing" Well, I'm not doing good at all man; I'm really depressed, I can't stop drinking, I'm all hungover, my head is killing me, but I haven't had a drink today, at least not yet. "Hey you want to come over for some coffee?" Sure, where is your office? "Horizon North Park, a block north from the theatre" Okay, I'll be there about 2:30. "Sounds good, I'll see you then".
I always liked riding my motorcycle; it was fast, and I could weave in and out of traffic like a mouse running from a cat; indeed that was the reason why I rode it back then, to get away fast, someday I will tell you why, or maybe not; so I get my Kiwi helmet on and rode to Horizon from National City; when I got there, a lady was just pulling out of a parking space located right in front of the door; I thought that was peculiar; I always struggled finding parking, but not that day. I looked at my watch, I was right on time.
I walked in the building and at that precise moment a girl walked by the front door, excuse me I'm here to see Gino Fuentes? "Oh, yeah, I'll show you where his office is"; as we are walking, he comes out into the hallway; up to this point everything seems to be timed perfectly, I thought it was weird. "Hi Alex, how are you? Let's go in this meeting room, you want some coffee?" Sure, thanks.
"So, what's going on?" Well, I can't stop drinking and getting loaded; I feel like I'm dying. "I used to be a heroin addict, and Jesus set me free", he said; Look, I don't want religion, I don't believe Jesus is God, I think he is just a teacher just like Buddha and all those guys; all I want is to stop drinking. "I have this book that shows how all the religions in the world differ from each other, you can have it if you want to read it"; then at that point the same girl knocks on the door and cracks it open, and says "Excuse me, you have a call Gino"; "I'm sorry, I have to take this, but I will be right back".
So I'm sitting there in this room by myself, and I'm thinking, this is so stupid; what am I doing? This is such a waste of time, I'm done with it, I need a drink. So I start getting ready to leave, and reach out for my helmet, and he comes back into the room; "sorry about that, so Alex, you want to ask Jesus to come into your heart?" And at that point I hear a whisper in my ears "say yes"; I looked around the room, are there some hidden speakers somewhere? Maybe in that flower pot on the side table, and I said What was that? And he asks the same question, and I hear the same whisper; and in a millisecond I thought 'nothing has worked up to this point', maybe this will help, maybe this is real, what else is there to do? AA didn't work, going to church didn't work, trying harder didn't work, and I keep on hearing this whisper that says "say yes"; so I say yes.
"Man, praise God, let's pray; just pray with me, you don't have to do it out loud, just pray with me: Dear Jesus, I know I am a sinner, I have broken all your commandments, I have fallen short of your glory everyday, so I ask you to forgive me, I ask you to come into my heart, I believe you died on the cross to pay for my sins, I believe you were raised from the dead three days later, and I surrender to you; come into my life, and change me, and help me live for you; in Jesus name, amen". Of course I don't really remember if those were the exact words, but they are very close.
That time of prayer, which was no more than 30 seconds, seemed to me like hours; I was praying with this man who I barely knew, and I was suspended in time; all my objections had been removed, all my resistance was gone, all my doubts dissipated, it all made sense to me now; this was it, this was what I had been looking for; I felt this huge burden roll off my back, when I opened my eyes, I thought I was dreaming, it all felt surreal.
He grabbed a bible out of a box, opened it to the first page after the cover and wrote "To Alex, born again, October 13 1989, 3:12 P.M. Praise God" and handed it to me, I still have that bible, it is the reason I know what happened, and when it happened; "now what you need to do bro is read this bible; I know you will not understand all of it, but start in John, and I tell you this right now: Jesus is going to get you, God bless you brother". Ok Gino, thanks man, and I walked out.
As I walked to get on the bike, I felt lighter, I felt as if I was walking on air; this is weird, I thought, what did just happen? What is happening to me? I look up to the sky, I love October, the air is crisp, the sky is blue and usually we get these really odd shaped clouds; and I looked and the sky was extremely bright blue, the clouds were intensely white, the trees were extremely green; it reminded me of an acid trip; everything seemed so intensely real and bright, and for the first time in a long, long time, I felt peace in my heart; a very strange peace. I had no worries at all, there was no anxiety of any kind, my headache was gone, I felt complete; I actually felt joy.
24 years later; I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt; that Jesus got me. I am a walking miracle; I am an example and a testimony of God's grace and power of mercy, and just one of the billions of people who throughout history have felt the power of the Lord of Hosts.
I can tell you stories; it would take me many pages to do it, of how Jesus has manifested Himself to me, just like He said He would do for those who receive Him; I have story after story of incredible events that I have personally witnessed with these old eyes; every single day I can taste and I see that God is good; and I trust in all of His promises; He will do what He has promised, even if I don't believe it.
So I ask you, what is your story? Do you stop once in a while and remember what kind of mess you were in, and what kind of lies you used to believe? Do you remind yourself, or better yet, does God remind you that for Him nothing is impossible? Do you really believe it? Or doubts constantly assail your mind, and you waver and flake out? What kind of God is it that you believe in? Is it a small god, with a small g? Or a big God with a big G?
My God is big, very very big; He flung the universe out into existence with His fingers; the whole thing, billions and billions of galaxies with billions and trillions of stars, they all fit in the span of His hand, and He calls them all by name, and is it because of His awesome power and mighty strength that not one of them is missing.
Bow down before His majesty, and worship the Mighty One of Israel; He will never leave you nor forsake you; you can plant your flag on that.
Do you have a flag?
Have a nice day.
http://makariotes.blogspot.com
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